A couple weeks ago, I meditated to meet my inner child, which means the imprints people collect as a kid. By meeting your inner child, you can acknowledge and work on processing old wounds that tend to surface as an adult.
Before starting my meditation, I found an old photo of myself. I studied it for a few minutes then closed my eyes and imagined myself as her parent.
Here’s the photo I chose:
These are the questions I answered after the meditation as a journaling exercise:
Who is she? She’s a beautiful little girl who is reserved, yet happy. She has her parents, uncles, aunts, and grandparents who show her love. She plays with her cousins a lot. At home, she finds joy playing alone with her toys and dolls.
How old is she? She’s four, turning five in a few months.
What is going on in her life at this time? Her mom is charming and outgoing. They are having fun in the backyard behind their trailer. Being silly, her mom shows her how to pat her butt. Now, young Yawatta is trying to mimic the gesture.
What is she feeling as the picture is being taken? She’s letting loose the best way she knows how and is imitating her mom’s posture while holding the thing in her hands, so technically not touching her butt haha. She’s feeling less reserved, less shy than usual, enjoying her mom’s attention.
What is she feeling about the situation? She more than likely thinks it’s a silly thing to do (she’s always been an old soul), but if it amuses her mom, then the gesture is worth it.
What does she feel about the person taking the picture? She LOVES her mother. Respects her. Wants to make her proud.
What is she feeling as she smiles (or doesn’t smile) in that particular way? She probably feels out of her comfort zone but having fun regardless. More than likely wondering why her parents ALWAYS snaps pictures of her, no matter what she does.
Does the picture accurately reflect her life at this time. Yes, it does. She’s smiling outside, playing, being a typical little girl. Around these years, I notice more smiling faces but also some where she looks very serious, probably a deep thinker. Later years, the smile slowly fades away into fake ones…
What do I feel for this little girl I still carry inside me? I love her tremendously! She’ll always be a part of me—her strength to get through the bullying, name calling, feeling not worthy enough, feeling like she couldn’t have a voice. All those past experiences made me the strong woman I am today. I want to give her a big hug to let her know her dreams are in the process of coming true! I stayed the creative soul she always was!
What do you see in her? I see her reserved and shy. I see a little girl who was always polite, always curious, always did her own thing to entertain herself. I see a little girl who loved her parents and wanted their love back. She was always respectful and quiet. But now as an adult, she found her voice :)
What would you want to say to her to show her unconditional love and compassion? I love you so very much. You stayed a unique, beautiful soul that loved to create things. Thank you for being strong, thank you for not breaking, so I could be the woman I am today. I promise I’ll live the life we’ve always wanted. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you in your dark moments, but I’m confident enough to say that you dealt with the hard situations the best you knew how, and I respect you for that. I’ll live the life of letting people in. A life you didn’t have because you wanted to stay private and protect yourself from hurt. I got this because you held your head high as a little girl. You gave me your inner-strength and I’ll always admire you for that. Know that you’ll always be loved!
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During this meditation, I was balling like a baby. I felt so much guilt because I couldn’t protect my young self. I felt bad that she hid her depression because she thought no one would understand nor care. I wanted to tell her nothing was her fault. I took all the blame.
But…that thought process made me take a step back. How could it be my fault? My adult self didn’t exist back then. There was nothing I could do because I had no idea how bad my younger self had felt. If it wasn’t my present day self’s fault, then who could I blame? Definitely not my younger self. There wasn’t internet or much resources to find help for my depression. There wasn’t online groups to talk things through to get a different perspective. There wasn’t anything about mindfulness or meditation. I stand by my younger self did the best she could. Freshmen year in college, her doctor put her on an anti-depressant. Then by the end of next semester, he immediately took her off, stating she had seasonal depression (only feeling low in winter months). Maybe if I had stayed on an anti-depressant, then things would have been different…
My past wasn’t her fault and it wasn’t my fault. Reflecting on what I was telling myself, I stopped blaming myself. My misplaced guilt was now gone. I let it go.
Healing never felt so good.
Not long after journaling and processing my new revelation, I noticed the angel number 754. Once I read what it meant, I smiled :)
“Angel number 754 means if you have been working hard and things don’t seem to go your way, don’t give up. Your angels want you to know that it is darkest just before dawn. Keep pressing on. Keep striving to give your very best. Soon enough, you will reap the rewards of your hard labor.”—The Secret of the Tarot blog
“The angel number 754 keeps coming your way to remind you of the many blessings bestowed upon you. The divine realm wants you to know that soon, your heart’s desires will start manifesting. Your angels are happy with you for your diligence. This is good, for it will enable you to get closer to your goals and dreams.”—The Secret of the Tarot blog
Have you ever felt like angels are trying to give you a hug? If you could connect with your inner child, what would you say?
Keep smiling,
Yawatta Hosby